A Welcome

For the longest of times, I have sat back and thought about all the things that I desired. In the midst of searching for myself and trying to find an adequate balance, I decided to take everyone on the journey with me. All that I have desired in life is the typical yet unspoken American Dream: beauty, happiness, and ultimately thinness. Over the course of the last three years I have embarked on a grueling, rewarding and sometimes disappointing journey; to loose all the weight that I had spent twenty-two years amassing. This blog is a testament to that journey and will offer advice, recipes [from my own creations], thoughts and fitness plans that helped me get to where I have been and ultimately where I strive to be again.

My story begins with my craving for Doritos. It was the perfect little triangular chip that fulfilled a series of wants and masked a life of disappointment and pain. It was acceptable for me to indulge in a bag of those oh so cheesy Nacho chips, laced with salsa and smothered in another layer of cheddar cheese. No one could know nor even guess that I was on the verge of a mental break. Coming to the realization that I come from a long line of addicts. Everyone choosing their own vice that would help them cope with the things that life was throwing at them. For me, what better outlet could there have been than food. It allowed me to socialize, to be happy, and to isolate simultaneously. It was at the time what I thought to be my perfect weapon... Until it turned on me. After returning from college, I should have been at the highest pinnacle of my life. I had gotten two bachelors, a masters and numerous accolades. Yet I just wasn't feeling well. It was at that point that I decided to go see an adult doctor, and banish my cherished pediatrician whom I had used until my 22nd birthday.

Walking into the office, I was not afraid of what would be said about my asthma, or whether I might have anxiety resulting from my mass insomnia, no. I was worried about what the scale was going to say. The last time that I had been on a scale I weighed in at a comfy [for me] 262 but looked about 230 [the blessing and the curse. I always look forty pounds smaller because of my build] I was only 18 then. Now it had been four years, three countries, two newly acquired languages and one heartbreak under my belt. The scale looked back at me, and as the doctor continued to push the number past my comfy 262, past an alarming 300, and further still past 350 my heart dropped. I was the successful one, the one that even while big lit up the room with my humor. Because while I was fat, I was still always "hilarious" and smart. My right hand companions. How could I be successful and still have the scale casually perusing past 350? What would people think of the girl that always carried her weight well, starting to look sloppy and sloven and dare I say beyond obese? I couldn't look. But he told me anyway.... 375. Only twenty-five pounds away from 400. The weight alone should have scared me, but what he later said would spur me into action. "Miss, you're going to die. Might I add that you are the perfect candidate for gastric bypass. I can get you the consultation today if you want, but trust me there is no way that you can loose all this weight on your own. You're going to fail."

I wish that was something that I could make up and I wish that I would have never heard it, but if anyone knows me they know that it was a battle cry. How dare you tell me what I cant do? So on that faithful day of June 1, 2006 I set out to not only prove him wrong but to loose 200 pounds. I was going to do it on my own, with my own methods, and without surgery. Didn't this man know that I had student loans. Unacceptable. I was going to do it and put myself through hell if needs be to apply all of my academic know withal to nutrition, fitness and go on the craziest lifestyle change imaginable. This was something that a diet could not fix. I had to change me and stop living like neither the confederacy nor the civil war and stop waring with myself. I had to become united, and be whole without the dependency of food...